While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
