college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
