I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize