marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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