my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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