Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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