We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
