I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
even my farts smell like vagina
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
