Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
