you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
