I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
