I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
