It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
