All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
