So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just pee around me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize