Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
