You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
