is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
