Sorry, I don't speak sober.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
