she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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