Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize