I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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