At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He felt like a one man threesome
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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