Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
