dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize