Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
