Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
