Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
