Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
