so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize