Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
