you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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