you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The adults are the big ones right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
