Say something about gay babies.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
