He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize