Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
