I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
