its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He has the fingertips of a God
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