I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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