I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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