I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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