How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think your dad took our porno
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How does one acquire holy water?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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