Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
