Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
