i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
