i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
