She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize