Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize