After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
