I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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