I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
