You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dicks are not precious.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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