Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry about my life...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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