tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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