Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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