you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
