My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
