So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need water and some morals
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize