Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
