i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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