I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize