I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
