I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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