I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
