I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
