So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
