He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
