I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
