I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
