Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry olholds111 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about

Fav 25 1349 933
share tweet
(775): View more from Nevada

before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

Fav 69 39791 2525
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.

(360): View more from Washington

You're getting good at this, you know that?

Fav 17 7235 977
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

Fav 30 14195 1647
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.

Fav 6 1334 2311
share tweet
(952): View more from Minnesota

I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.

Fav 55 11119 1681
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.

Fav 19 2311 3808
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.

Fav 0 526 277
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!

Fav 0 19 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT