Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you traded sex for a burrito?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
