$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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