Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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