im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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